Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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