I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize