My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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