glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Still dying that you shit outside
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize