you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
