You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You almost got us killed.
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