You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
