guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
