Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
