She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
