i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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