i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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