She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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