I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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