I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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