I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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