Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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