But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
