what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
