I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
