your parents love me but you hate me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
