i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
