that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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