Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I deserve this hangover.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
