I'm so fucking centered right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
