you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
