isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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