also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize