I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
