I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
