That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
