What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
