I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
