I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
