I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
