Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
