I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
