im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
