know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
