i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
