it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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