i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
