Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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