i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
