I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
