Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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