If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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