hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
