I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
