I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
