3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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