like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
COCAINE IS GR8
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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