i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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