Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
