Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
