just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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