So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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