Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
