So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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