Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
