i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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