i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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