It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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