I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
